


Kisses Will Always Be Poisonous

by Kirovcote



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Library, Childhood Friends, Depressing, M/M, Memories, Obsessive-Compulsive, Psychological Trauma, Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-01
Updated: 2013-01-01
Packaged: 2017-11-26 04:45:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,131
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/646703
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kirovcote/pseuds/Kirovcote
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Louis likes straight lines and alphabetical order. He most certainly does not like boys with messy hair who mess up the library's book organisation and continue to further mess up Louis' life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Kisses Will Always Be Poisonous

**Author's Note:**

> This is based off of a poem that I read. The first few paragraph are a kind of rephrasing/ interpretation/ rendition of the poem. It's kind of awkwardly worded and dialogue is odd and it's 4 am and it's the first thing I've ever finished.

Louis' six and he moves to Manchester and there's a boy across the street and he's loud and fascinating and eight years old and Louis' begging for five more minutes of playtime and they're dancing in the rain and kisses are poisonous and everything's going to last forever.

Louis' ten and Tommy's twelve and he comes home every day crying and Louis doesn't know what to do and tommy doesn't know how to explain everything and rain is lonely and kisses are very poisonous but everything is still maybe a little bit infinite. 

Louis' fourteen and he thinks he's gotten it all figured out and tommy hasn't spoken to him since he was twelve and then tommy kisses him and Louis kisses him back and then rain is for love and kisses are addictive and everything might end up lasting forever.

And then Tommy's eighteen and he makes a choice and Louis' screaming and crying and it's all very messy and louis stops smiling and laughing like he once did and kisses will always be poisonous and rain is depressing and nothing lasts forever. 

Louis' seventeen and he hasn't spoken since that awful night in Tommy's room and his mother doesn't question it and pretends to understand because she thinks she loved tommy just as much as Louis did but she has no idea and she doesn't know what to do with her messed up son. And there are still stories on the news and on the Internet sometimes and they're mostly lies because only Louis knows what really happened and he won't talk even though they asked lots of questions and it was miserable. 

Louis' eighteen and there's a Zayn who takes care of him and makes him take his medicine and they move to London so Zayn can go to school there and Louis' still a mess, but he talks now and he's getting better.

Louis' nineteen and there's a boy in the library very very determined to messing up the order in which Louis has organised the books and its driving Louis mad and he screams and he cries and the boy's confused and Zayn has to comfort Louis and then there are more medicines to take every morning, with long hard to pronounce names and specific dosages and Louis wishes that he weren't such a burden in Zayn's life.  
And then Zayn meets a boy who makes him happy and Louis gets upset when they kiss and then Zayn is cuddling with Louis again and Louis' crying again because he's messed it all up and Zayn just kisses his forehead and listens to Louis and Louis is very lucky to have someone like Zayn.  
And then the boy from the library comes back to the library every day and he apologises to Louis and he tries to understand and he asks Louis questions and Louis pretends not to hear.  
And then one day, the boy from the library kisses Louis and Louis cries and the boy looks heartbroken and Louis feels guilty and Zayn has to explain even though Zayn really doesn't know why Louis' curled up in a ball over a boy who just kissed him. No one actually knows why Louis' the way he is. Some people can guess but no one knows what happened and no one will ever know.  
The boy from the library comes back the next day and he hands him a note and in the note it apologises and tells Louis how wonderful the boy thinks he is and he signs the letter with HS and it's all very flattering and very embarrassing and Louis doesn't know what to say. So he takes the boys had and he kisses his knuckle and then he walks away because he doesn't know how to deal with anything.  
And then Louis turns twenty and he hasn't seen HS since four days before Christmas and Louis puts together a scenario in his head. HS has three brothers and one sister and they've gone to some village to visit their mother for Christmas and its all very wonderful. Louis calls his mum but he doesn't go up there this year. He stays at the library, organising the bookshelves instead.  
Louis twenty and he's organising books and he's getting better and everything will be fine.  
And then HS comes back to the library on the 30th. And he just says "how was your holiday?" And Louis says "it was my birthday," and doesn't elaborate.  
"How old are you?" HS asks "Twenty. What does HS mean?" "Harry Styles." "That sounds like a stripper name." "What's your name then?" "Louis Tomlinson. How old are you?" "I'll be eighteen in February." "What are you studying?" "At uni?" "Yes." "Molecular Biology. What are you studying?" "I'm not." "Oh. What do you do then?" "I organise books." "Is that what you do all day, everyday?" "Yes. Before that, I organised the books in my home and I made Zayn's bed seventeen times every morning and I never got it perfect and on Wednesdays I came to the library." "To organise books?" "No. Not at first." "You're very interesting." "Most people say weird." "Most people are far too ordinary."  
Harry turns eighteen and Louis kisses him on the cheek and gives him a book and Harry beams like Louis has given him the world and It makes Louis feel weird and then Harry hugs him and Louis can't deal with that but Harry understands this time and he gets all concerned and doesn't look mortified like he did last time.  
And then Louis goes home and he cries because he hates that he can't freaking touch anyone without getting all weird and panicky and Zayn sings him to sleep but Louis' still upset when he wakes up.  
"I'm sorry." Louis says meekly to Zayn as Zayn makes them eggs.  
"It's fine," Zayn shrugs.  
"No."  
"Okay?"  
"I need to fix it."  
"Can you?"  
"I don't know."  
"It's okay if you can't."  
"I'll try."  
And Louis' off to the library. And Harry finds him three hours later, in a nonfiction section regarding human anatomy.  
"Hello," Harry says and Louis realises he likes his voice a lot and he'd like to tell him but he just says "Hi. I'm sorry." "About?" "Yesterday. Me." "No, you're fine." "No." "Okay." And Louis doesn't know what to say next.  
"Has it always been like that for you?" Harry asks and he's genuinely concerned.  
"No." "Would you like to elaborate?" "Not today." "Will you one day? Tell me your story?" "Maybe." "Okay." "It's nice of you to come talk to me everyday." "I like to." "I know but you don't have to. Do you ever miss class?" "No, that's why I always come late." "Not late. There's not really a schedule." "No, but I'd see you as much as possible If I could. So I don't come early because I have class." "I see." "Yes." "And you don't have other friends." "The library closes at 5, I only see you for four hours out of a whole entire day." "Oh." "Who's Zayn?" "Hm." "You talk about him a lot." "He's my house wife." "Okay." "He's my roommate. You've met him." "Oh he's the one who.." "Yeah." "That's good." "Zayn is good yes." And they move to another section.  
"I finished the book you gave me." "What did you think?" "It was devastating." "Quite." "Why did you want me to read it?" "It's my favourite." "Why?" "Did you not like it?" "No, it was very good. It was just very sad." "A lot of things that are very good are very sad."  
"Louis." "Yes?" "Are you very sad?" "Not anymore." "Okay." Louis doesn't know what to say, so he doesn't and Harry doesn't mind because Harry's perfect.  
"Zaynie." "Yes my love?" "Are you still dating that boy?" "Liam?" "Sure." "Yes." "Hm." "Why?" "I was just wondering." "Okay. Do you like Liam?" "He was very nice." "Yes." "You can bring him here, if you want." "That's okay." "I'd like to meet him again." "I can arrange that." "Thank you." "You're welcome."  
Harry comes the next day and Louis' tripping over words in his head and Harry says hello but Louis' too busy thinking to reply.  
"Harry." "Louis." "Do you want to meet my Zayn and his Liam?" "Your Zayn and his Liam." "Yes." "I've met your Zayn." "Not properly." "Okay." "Come to dinner with my Zayn and his Liam and I." Louis doesn't look at Harry. "When?" "I'll figure that out." "Good." "Good?" "Yes." "Okay." And Louis breathes again.

Louis tells Zayn that he's inviting a friend over and that Zayn should have Liam over. "Today?" "Tomorrow." "For dinner?" "Do I know your friend?" "You've met him. I don't know if you remember him as much as you remember the situation." "Is this library guy?" "Yes." "Oh." "His name is Harry." "Okay. What do you want to have for dinner?" "Chinese food." "That's easy." "Good."  
The next day, in the young adult science fiction section Louis says "Today." And Harry says "what?" And Louis says "when the library closes, I'll take you home and you'll meet my Zayn and his Liam and we'll eat Chinese food." And Harry smiles like he smiled when Louis kissed his cheek. And they don't talk until they're walking home.  
"Louis."  
"Harry."  
"I'm nervous."  
"Of my Zayn."  
"Yes."  
"Oh."  
"Because he's very protective of you and last time he saw me and you, you were curled up in a ball screaming and crying."  
"I was."  
"Yes."  
"He knows you're coming though."  
"I should hope."  
And they arrive at Louis and Zayn's flat where a lot of awkward introductions are exchanged and Louis' watching Harry and Liam is shaking hands and being all liamy and polite and such and Louis is really hungry.  
"I would like noodles." Louis says and Harry's still wearing his coat and everyone's still talking and Louis just wants to eat and get it all over with.  
And so they eat noodles made of rice and rice that has shrimp in it and Louis points this out. "It's all rice." "In many Asian countries, rice accounts for nearly 70% of all calorie intake." Harry informs him. "What molecular biology class teaches you that?" "I learned it from you." "Alright." "In the non fiction section, there's a section on diet in one of the Asia books." "Very good then." And it all goes well.  
Liam and Zayn are cleaning up and Harry and Louis are sitting on the couch. "Thank you, Louis." "Did you have fun?" "Yes." "I'm glad." And Harry smiles and Louis wants to touch his adorable little dimple and trace all the lines on his face that his smile creats.  
"Keep smiling." "Okay." And Louis' hands are all over Harry's face and his lips and his mouth and Harry feels like an idiot but just lets it go on for like 2 minutes and then Louis stops and Harry looks at Louis and then they're kissing and no ones screaming and Harry's hands are on Louis' face and Louis' hands are tangled in Harry's hair and its okay and Louis thinks about tommy for a second but then he remembers Harry. The beautiful boy who waits and talks with Louis every day. Who doesn't understand but wants to and Louis is happy.  
The next day at the library, Louis' thinking about things and Harry comes and says hello but Louis doesn't answer because he's busy thinking and it takes about ten minutes for Harry to get a response.  
"Harry." "Yes Louis?" "I'm going to tell you a story." "Is it a sad story?" "Yes." "Is it your story?" "Yes." "You don't have to tell me." "I want to." "Okay."  
Louis tells Harry about moving to Manchester when he was six years old. He tells him how he met Tommy across the street and they became best friends and they wanted to spend every minute together. He tells them how tommy was bullied in school and came home crying. He tells him about their first kiss and their first other things. He doesn't leave anything out. And finally, he tells him of the last kiss. And how tommy just said " I love you" and kissed him and then shot himself in the head and at this point Louis' crying and Harry looks quite close to tears as well but he just wraps Louis in his arms and holds him close and kisses his head.  
-  
Louis' twenty one and Harry's eighteen and Zayn lives with Liam now and Harry moved in with Louis and everyone's happy and the rain means pyjamas and tea and book reading on the couch and kisses will always be poisonous but there are certain things that last forever.


End file.
